It's almost 1am.... I went to the movie 'Mr. Brook's' earlier this evening with some friends and was terrified beyond my comfort level. I was supposed to go out to night for a friend of a friend's bday bar-hopping kind-of thing... but i decided to clean.... yeah... so, i'm sure you can guess how i feel about this person if i choose to clean my apt. over them. Actually they aren't that bad... just someother chicks that were going to be there drive nuts... well, more than usual.
I am tired.... should prob. go to bed.... but just keep listening to music and cleaning... beleive this is not my natural behavior. I usually do every thing in my power to avoid cleaning/organizing/etc.
I have been doing lots of thinking about life lately. So, many people are stuck in the status quo or trying to fulfill it. They don't want to (CANNOT) go against the grain and do something that is not 'ok' with the publics idea of 'ok'. I am thinking about some things.... some decisions that I have made or am going to have to make it the weeks to come. Generally... I think way too much. I think about shit and never do it.... mostly because I am scared of what will happen but I'm sick of being one of my own victims and letting my fears and doubts take control of me and what I do with my life... because i want to 'be normal'. Though I have known for years that there is no such thing as 'normal' and that there is no reason should want to be like everyone else. So.... I will continue to think... though a certain individual close to me says that it is ok to think but i need to let some of my thoughts out and talk about them.... or i will go crazy. I agree.... i do need to talk about some issues and stop doubting the things that are going on around me and that i am seeing, feeling and experiencing as it is cutting into my life in a negative way.
Ok... must stop babbling.
Buenas noches....
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