mis pensamientos...

It's almost 1am.... I went to the movie 'Mr. Brook's' earlier this evening with some friends and was terrified beyond my comfort level. I was supposed to go out to night for a friend of a friend's bday bar-hopping kind-of thing... but i decided to clean.... yeah... so, i'm sure you can guess how i feel about this person if i choose to clean my apt. over them. Actually they aren't that bad... just someother chicks that were going to be there drive nuts... well, more than usual.

I am tired.... should prob. go to bed.... but just keep listening to music and cleaning... beleive this is not my natural behavior. I usually do every thing in my power to avoid cleaning/organizing/etc.

I have been doing lots of thinking about life lately. So, many people are stuck in the status quo or trying to fulfill it. They don't want to (CANNOT) go against the grain and do something that is not 'ok' with the publics idea of 'ok'. I am thinking about some things.... some decisions that I have made or am going to have to make it the weeks to come. Generally... I think way too much. I think about shit and never do it.... mostly because I am scared of what will happen but I'm sick of being one of my own victims and letting my fears and doubts take control of me and what I do with my life... because i want to 'be normal'. Though I have known for years that there is no such thing as 'normal' and that there is no reason should want to be like everyone else. So.... I will continue to think... though a certain individual close to me says that it is ok to think but i need to let some of my thoughts out and talk about them.... or i will go crazy. I agree.... i do need to talk about some issues and stop doubting the things that are going on around me and that i am seeing, feeling and experiencing as it is cutting into my life in a negative way.

Ok... must stop babbling.
Buenas noches....

Quick Update on La Vida

Sorry for not updating.... I've been busy... very very busy!! ;)

Life right now is good. I'm taking a short summer course on English Grammar (sooooo much fun.... NOT!) and then I'm headed back to the DR. Santiago (the 2nd city) for the 6.5 weeks... should be interesting!!! Oh... and I have to give props to Amity... I will be visiting her in Cabrera. AND CARO??? & KARLA??? Any chance you will be en la tierra caliente this summer??

I have been having problems with my stomach lately (more than usual) and now have headaches because my lack of caffeine. It has been hot here and the lack of air conditioning in my apt and car has been a bit overwhelming at times. At least today it is a little cooler.

I am now 'officially' in a relationship. As opposed to unofficially..! :/ We will call him 'W'..... but he is in no way related to GW Bush the 43rd nor can he vote for him as he is a dominicano.

That's about all that's going in life. I am counting the days until I go back and that's about it.

I start student teaching in the Minneapolis schools on Aug 27.... and will be officially done with it and license will be pending with the state on Dec. 14th. I teach 12 weeks at a diverse urban high school on the South side and then will be places 3/4 weeks at a Spanish Immersion elementary school. AND then I am DOOOONNNNEEE!!!! And maybe headed to the DR to work!?!? Right, Amity?

Next week, I get to (read: was forced to) chaperon one of the two AFS buses to D-day. Yes... another year of AFSers has finished their year as exchange students and have to go home. So, I get on the bus 9pm on Monday... we get to Chicago early AM and then I volunteer all day and the bus leave Chicago for Minneapolis Tues at 4pm. It will be fun.... more than 700 kids going home.... there will be a lot of emotions flying... I remember what it was like to go home... I did not want to go... I couldn't even imagine going back.... and when I did arrive 18 hrs later days and months of major reverse culture shock followed. I do not think I ever recovered fully!! ;)

Alright... that's it for now. I'm headed off to dinner with Lena... we found a Colombian/Peruvian Res. en el barrio.... and we have to discuss the possibility of attending a Juagares (w/ secret guest Juanes) concert on July 1st. Oh... and I must remember to purchase a ticket to my future president's campaign kick-off on the 29th... yes, Barack Obama.

La vida...

I'll be in the DR until June 6th-ish.... I will try to update but no garentees that I'll have internet access or electricity in the 'barrio fino'.... (i.e. da hood, the ghetto, etc)

Besides that everything is good... a little high strees as all the loose ends weren't tied up but hey.... I will be back in less than a month and can attend to things then.

Chaucito y besos a todos!

Chain Smoking Neighbor

The chick that lives below me is a chain smoker... up until last Friday she just smoked cigarettes... but on Friday night when I arrived home early (before bar time). I walked into the building to the smell of pot... I thought maybe I was just really out of it but as I enter into my apt... which is above hers, with shared vents I was bombarded with the certain odor of marijuana. Lovely. What is really funny about it is... she and whoever she was with got silent when I got home and didn't talk for a long time... like a half hour... I think they were scared... Muuuuahaha...!! But being the nice neighbor I am... I didn't really care and was exhausted and drunkish... so, I was about to pass out anyway.

Now tonight she is standing on the front step... outside this time smoking cigs... which is annoying.... but again... I just shut the window. Hopefully, when I have friends over again at 3 or 4am... she won't come up and pound on my door and scream like crazy.... like last time. It was actually comical as she apologized to me a few days later.... but imagine dealing with Brazilian guys, that just yell at her and say... 'she just needs a good f##k' and to go away. Again... funny.

Alright... I have some work to do... and later some international phone calls to make via skype!! Yay.

Sleeping In

I can never get enough sleep on week days... its like pulling teeth to get out of bed. I push the snooze button and struggle imensely.
On weekends... at least the last two Saturdays.... I cannot sleep. This week I woke up at 6am and couldn't go back to sleep. :( Which is annoying as I wanted to sleep in... but nooooooooo. So, I guess I'll go walk around Lake Calhoun now... and get some exercise before it gets really busy over there.

Domestic Violence

I watched Dr. Phil today. It is about a husband who stalks his wife.
He holds hostage of this woman... mental, monetary and physical hostage.
It is crazy. He taps phone lines, reads her email, threatens her, follows her, ETC ETC ETC.

I worked in DV. I do not understand why people stay in these situations. Most DV advocates say that you cannot change a person until they are ready. You could tell them to leave 1 million times but until they are ready nothing you say or do will change. I cannot imagine how low this woman's self-esteem maybe that she just takes this shit and doesn't leave.

DV happens in so may forms and is not just physical. Victims must know that it is not their fault and that they deserve better and they can get out. There is a better life. If they are here illegally they can go to the police, they can get legal help to protect their children and regain control of life.

Life

The week was almost over... I do not have any big plans for the weekend. I have to write all aspects of a curriculm unit for my class.... that's about it. Oh... and teach Spanish on Sunday which means I cannot drink too much Saturday night... which is fine at my local Saturday Latin night spot is closed this Saturday.

I am getting excited... less than 3 weeks until SD.

Virginia Tech Shooting

Another school shooting. What is wrong with people? I do not understand how and why someone could do this. Nothing is worth killing so many innocent people. An individual would have to be entirely mentally unstable to do this. As everyone else is, I'm interested to find out the motive of this situation. Though the initial shooting seemed to have a domestic focus, I wonder if the later shooting was at a planned, premeditated location. I hear that most the deaths happened in a 1st German class. Which is scary. As a teacher... anything that has to do with violence in the schools scares me. Also, another thought... schools should have doors that lock on the inside. Most doors can only be lock via keys on the outside. Though this may not have much influence, it could save lives in the future.

Please pray and think positive thoughts for the people in the Virginia Tech Community and their families.

My life is so... BLAH!

Procrastination filled weekend... I had good intentions... but yeah... nothing has happened yet in the studying/doing projects/lesson plans department yet.

I am however going to R's birthday party... that is promised to be very interesting. Imagine a whole bunch of angry women that are still in love with him in the same room. I think L and I will be the only ones that have never hooked up with him before... hopefully some hot new Brazilians I have ever seen before show up...

Alright... back to doing nothing.... my damn ipod froze... so, I'm listening to music on my compu and ponder life, men and friendship as usual.

Chaucito! Mando besos a todos.

I PASSSSSSSED....

On March 3rd, I took the PRAXIS II Test which is required to be a Spanish teacher. It went ok... but was a really weird situation and everyone else that was testing had already failed several times. It was half oral and half written... for the oral part I had to speak into a tape recorder which is fine... but the problem was 3 other people answering the same exact question at the same exaxt time into their tape recorders. The questions were open ended, narratives, restatements, arguments, etc... and we had 2-3 mins to record our answers for each questions. There was no going back... just time to talk....
After getting a little thrown off on the first question... because I am SOOOOO easily distracted... and I could hear everyone around me saying things that I was about to say, or should have said, etc....I decided that I was going to pass this test and I didn't care who I took down in the process. So, my strategy for the rest of the oral test was to cover my ears and speak loudly.... yeah, I may have caused others to fail... but I got my results in the mail today and I passed on my first try. YAY!!!

Update

Let's see... I'm utterly exhausted... I haven't felt this run down in a while. I have been sleeping for almost 3 days straight... I wake up for a few hours... and then go back to sleep... I feel like I am just weighed down by this virus... not fun.

I did make to my families Easter festivities for less than two hours today. Had a little food... chatted with a some cousins and aunts then left.

At the moment, I am waiting for a calll about the show tonight... hopefully my friend forgot or died or something so I don't have to go... but I have never known him to pass up a party. Especially since I agreed to pay cover. AND I don't care how sick I am if there are dominicans (which there will be)... I am going.

I called my friend yesterday in DR... she started her pasantia... in La Vega last Monday... shit is tough... they moved from their apt., her husband doesn't have a job. There is something about the people in DR... at least the people that I know. They seem to have so little, have have many hardships, or constant hardships but yet they take each day as it is and seem to be happy and can enjoy things that people in my country cannot. They enjoy the little things in life; food, music, dominoes, rum... etc... and they get thru. it... So, when I think I have it rough and want to complain I need to reflect and realize that I am just being dramatic once again.

Sick, Sadness and Procrastination

I'm sick with the flu or something wonderful. I has been coming on slowly since last Monday but didn't hit until late Thursday night... when I tried to go so sleep after dancing until 2:30am... I just keep coughing myself awake... then I spent the majority of Friday sleeping on my futon or feeling sorry for myself... and I woke up almost without a voice.

I'm sad because I talked to a friend in the DR last night and he told me that his wife had a problem during her pregnancy last week and their baby was born alive (only 20-21 weeks) and later died. My friend is trying to be strong and logical about it... thinking about it as a doctor (which he is)... what should have been done that wasn't and what can they change so the next baby makes it thru. the pregnancy. This is tragic... very sad and to make it worse I already gave them a baby gift.... what an idiot. I should have waited until it was born. I told him that they will learn from this experience and need to be strong and go forward... Sometimes it sucks to be soo far away from people that you care about as you can't just reach out and give them a hug when they need it.

Procrastinating... as you all know I'm an expert at this... I am actually not procrastinating at the moment. Working on some stuff for my online class.... but I really should be working on a lesson I need to present to my colleagues on Tuesday evening... as, I am going out tomorrow night and have family stuff during the day.... oh well.... if need be...I'll be sick Monday...

I'm going out tonight... I'm going the non-Latin route... as of the moment... Though things may change. I went out to 1st Ave Thursday night with R and some of his friends.... I had a great time.... and a group of Mexicana's want to hangout with me again soon... because I am so cool... and I am more Latina than them... ;)

Sick and Procrastination

I'm sick... it's good I am pretty much not working this week... only 1-3 hours a day.

I need to study and getting working on stuff for grad school... but as usual I am not doing that... just avoiding it and getting overwhelmed thinking about it... I sure am crazy... but at least I can admit it.

We are preparing our Spanish classes for the end of the year show/presentation/recital.... mine are doing well... but most of the 1st graders (especially the ninos) think they are tooooo cool to sing. Though singing really isn't my preferred method of teaching, it is really the only thing that works (read: is aloud) for the show. Only a few more weeks. On a good note, at my private lessons at the really wealthy families house the two youngest girls are begging their mom to have me come at least once more each week. Tonight, when my time with the 3rd grader was ending she said to me...'how 'bout we make the lesson longer tonight.... can you stay until 10?'... I say no...'tengo q ir a mi casa' and she said...'pllllllease... how about until 9pm then'.... nice, right?!

Ok... must go do something that is not important at all...

This is what I will be going after eating a nice Easter feast.....

Xtreme at Karma, next Sunday night.....

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Nothing much...

I alive... trying to figure things out. Nothing too new and exciting is happening. Not much work for the next 11 days. Which is awesome... just one or two hours a day.

I just got back from Happy Hour at Brits.... and I am headed out in a little bit again.

I want to paint my bedroom. I am just trying to figure out how I will do it. Lots of ideas.

That's it for now. Chau... y besos a todos.

G

I'm sad. Having issues. Just when I think I forget... that I have moved on... it all comes crashing back. I do not think I am meant to move on until this is resolved.
AND now... when I made semi-permenant decisions nothing really can be resolved until late December... no, not possible new news...

I'm sick to my stomach and so confused. How have I let this happen again? It better be worth it.

Brain Clarity and BSing....

Most people who know me well, know that I have a tendency to be good at BSing. Now... this has come in handy over the years. I know what people what to hear (especially professors) and can lay it on thick when necessary. Well... that time has come... after several coffees and mates my brain has suddenly gotten into BS-turbo mode and I am flying (ok... exaggeration... moving faster than a turtle) at this portfolio justifications and evidence now. Who knew my bachelors in BS would come in so handy today. These education professors won't know what hit them.

Back to writing and caffeinated drink land....

Astrology

Am I a freak that I follow astrology and the min. I make a new friend I have to read up on their sign and see what they are like. I also read about aquarius' (my sign) and now recently I have been learning more about Chinese astrology... I was born in the year of the dog... two days before the year of the pig.... and then reading on what it means to be an aquarius dog. This might be a little strange but it helps me confirm some things about my personality and mind that I already know. Regarding friends... I get a bit freaked out when I read something about their sign... say 'they like books' and then out of no where a few days later the new friend announces that they really like books.

It is all made up or real?!? I am a believer.